illness and fitness

Well, here we are again after a week of illness in the household. My panicker had a bad throat at the beginning of last week but i assumed she just didnt want to go back to school after easter. I was wrong. I got a phone call to pick her up from school the next day after she went a whiter shade of pale. I left it a few days then tried to get her in with the doctor. Thats a laugh in itself. You cant get an appointment at the doctor these days. You have to ring up, get a nurse to ring you back and diagnose you over the phone, and then she decides if you are indeed ill enough to attend the surgery for an appointment. (only with the nurse though) Doctors appointments are made many weeks in advance and it is almost impossible to get to see a doctor within a few days.
Anyway, this time my luck was in and it was decided that i could bring my panicker up to the surgery to be seen. Just as well, as she had tonsilitis. So she was off school all week. All my good intentions of getting back to the gym that week properly went out the window. Still, i thought, maybe this week...
Or maybe not.
When the kids came home from my mums last night my screamer was looking very much the worse for wear - in fact, she scared me as she had a bad neck and a headache combined with a temperature. Not a good combination as any parent knows. I had visions of flying trips to the hospital during the night, but luckily she didnt have too bad a night, and ate some breakfast this morning. So i could breathe again. I had a session booked in with my pt at the gym, so i went - and i ran. I havent run since i was a kid. And it felt good to be able to do it. I am going to carry on with it, and get myself fitter and fitter. On that note, i am very tired after last night and am going to bed.
Night folks

Footie and therapy

So, its monday evening, after a weekend where the kids stayed at mums. We had to go food shopping, build a bed for my panicker, and then my aunt and uncle decided to come on a flying visit from about 150 miles away for the day to my mums - so we had to fit that in too, all the while it being vital that we got back for 5 oclock to catch the semi final of the FA cup. My hubby is a Big Chelsea Fan. This is important to understand from the word go, as i had to. My parents are staunch west ham supporters, and i hover somewhere between the two. If push came to shove and they played each other, it would have to be West ham, being an East End girl.
So our saturday panned out something like this - up, deposit kids at grandparents, shopping at sainsbury's, lunch, bit of a snooze (i always enjoy those) round to mother's to see aunt and uncle that nobody had seen since my wedding two years ago, and listened to them prattle on about church (yawn, my uncle's a vicar), and their grandchildren, showing little or no interest in anything anyone else had to say. We sat it out for an hour, then escaped to watch Chelsea play Arsenal at Wembley. Luckily the Gods were on my side (the whole evening resting on the out come of this game) and Chelsea won. The footie mad one was happy. He was also ecstatic when Man u lost to Everton on penalties the next day - he has a deep dislike of man u, probably because they are Chelsea's biggest rivals. So anyway that sealed his weekend.
I went to my therapy group today which i have been attending for the past two years. This is supposed to be on emotion regulation. I have borderline personality disorder. I know it sounds scary but its not that bad, honest. I just kind of lose it occasionally, usually with the footie mad one if he's being a pain, or the moody one, his daughter, who i have real problems with. We dont get on, we never had, and both of us has now stopped even trying. Luckily she stays with her mum most of the time these days, so things are a little easier, but she used to be here every other day on a regular basis. So anyway, i have been having therapy on how to cope with a child who has no interest in knowing you or your children but you are forced to live together as a family anyway because father and children come as a package. And thats ok - i was perfectly willing to accept that because i wouldnt accept anything less for me and my kids, its just that my kids are sociable and easy to get on with and she isnt. And thats that. Theres plenty more i could say on the subject, but i dont want to wind myself up over this, i do that enough. No doubt i will over time though, so watch this space.....

a bit better now

Hi guys, I didnt get off to a very good start last night did i? Let me explain... I am a mum to three kids, all girls, and at times, whilst i love them very much, they drive me up the wall. At the time, my youngest, a six year old, who i will call the noisy one, because she is so very loud, was protesting in her best 3year old way, (ie - stamping shouting, wingeing - you got it) that i sit next to her in a designated spot while she ate her dinner. I refused, and the arguement went on.

My day hadnt started off well, I awoke to a familier feeling of depression which refuses to leave, and got up to face the day. I dont know why my depression continues, when really i should be happy, but im not, im so not. I have a few stresses in life - but so does everyone, and they all seem to cope with things. Anyway, as i said, yesterday was a particularly bad day - today hasnt been so bad, except my eldest one, the panicker, is not well, and its the school holidays so she really isnt well. Oh well, we shall see what tomorrow brings. Kids go to mum's for the weekend, and my husband and i get a bit of us time.

A beginning...

I will start by letting you know that this is probably not going to be the happiest of blogs - its where i will come to scream, shout and verbally abuse the keyboard for however long it takes to get it all down. If you wish to continue reading knowing this, dont be surprised if you find yourself stuck with a depressing read. Or maybe its entertaining, and just depressing to me. I dont know, whatever....